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Monday, July 30, 2007

The Bus Ride, Part 2

"Each week, 3WW will post three (or more) random words. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write something using all of those words. It can be a few lines, a story, a poem, anything. I'll also attempt to write something using the same three words.

Leave a comment if you participate. Many fun and interesting people might visit your blog.

This week's words are:

*I know, I'm late again. Deal with it.*

The Bus Ride, Part 2

I have never developed the verbal skills necessary to describe the woman who was lumbering down the bus aisle on her way to the vacant seat next to me. After she was seated and situated herself, an experience not unlike the eruption of a volcano followed by a massive tsunami, she introduced herself to me. I will try to relate what I learned.

Her name was Vondetta LaRue Brown. Vondetta was at least 6'2" in her stocking feet; however, she said she wore 3-inch spiked hooker shoes most of the time (actually, she called 'em her ho' slippers). She wore a white, strapless, spandex dress that she painted on sometime before she left home. Either that or it grew on her while she slept because there is no possible way Vondetta pulled that dress over her head and made it adjust to her body shape using nothing but her own two hands. Her hair was complexly braided into corn rows with a combination of 10 jewels and pearls on each braid. Her head sort of resembled a pirate's treasure chest gone berzerk. It was not wise to make Vondetta LaRue shake her head with any degree of enthusiasm. With her hair artillery I'd have knocked myself unconscious with one twist of my neck. Vondetta LaRue merely set in motion a cacophony of clamor loud enough to drown out anything within a 10 mile radius of her head.

Vondetta LaRue (she preferred being called by both names) had spent the last 10 years of her life boxing tampons. I didn't get it either at first -- she meant that she worked on a production line making sure her machine deposited the correct number of tampons in each box.

Vondetta LaRue said this job paid good money, but the reality was that she didn't want to spend her remaining productive years working at such a boring job. Or as Vondetta LaRue put it, she was a real fan of tampons and didn't want to switch to mini or maxi pads, but she sure wouldn't mind pulling the string on this job and finding something more exciting.

Naturally I assumed Vondetta LaRue was headed for the same place I was. It was hard to imagine her serving drinks in a skimpy outfit or even dealing cards at a Black Jack table in the casino capital of the East Coast, but I could stretch my imagination a bit to envision her as a cooler (someone the House brings in to change a run of good luck at a gaming table) or even a bouncer. One look at Vondetta LaRue and there's no way I'd argue with her and whatever instructions she gave me even if that meant duck walking naked past all the slot machines on my way out to the boardwalk. And if she socked someone with even one of those braids, (s)he would be in traction for life.

However, to my surprise, Vondetta LaRue did not have aspirations of casino work in mind. She was, however, on this bus on her way to a job interview. She'd seen an ad in her local newspaper for foot models. Since Vondetta LaRue said her feet were her best feature (and who, exactly, would argue with Vondetta LaRue?), and she thought they had a great future in tv commercials, magazines, and even movie body shots where well-toned, well-pedicured feet were a necessity. I don't recall ever seeing a foot close-up in a movie, but if she thought it was possible, my mission certainly wasn't to discourage her. Besides, she said her shoe size was 15 Double Wide which she was sure gave her an advantage over someone with a mere size 6 or 7 foot.

Vondetta LaRue said all she really wanted to do was get one foot in the door of a foot modeling agency so she could present her idea to make even bigger money. She thought she could create an upsurge of attention to Plus Sized Feet, and maybe even have a dual purpose shoe. During normal times it's a shoe, but if you're on a sinking ship, it also serves as a life raft.

I did point out that some of these ads for models are merely scams, but Vondetta LaRue was convinced this was her calling. She really was into the idea of the shoe/life raft concept.

She got off at the next stop which was a very small town that hardly looked like the Foot Fame Capital of the East, and I'll never know if she did, in fact, get her wish to have her feet memorialized for all time on the pages of Vogue or in an award winning movie. So far I have not seen any hype about shoe/life rafts, so I'm assuming Vondetta LaRue is still searching for her big break to foot fame.

In the meantime, I got closer to my rendezvous with my email correspondent. And I was beginning to get a little nervous.

To Be Continued...

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